Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
