apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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