i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
