she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
