she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize