I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
