at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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