Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
