the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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