this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
