a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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