no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
