I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
