no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize