I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
