Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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