CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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