How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
