after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
