Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
