YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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