You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
