weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
