You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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