But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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