Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you would pick up someone in the library
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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