you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
