He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
