he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
