Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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