super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
