ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
