Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
