Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When are your genitals available?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
