2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
