I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
