At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
