So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
