I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
