worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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