Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
