never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
