I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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