I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
