Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize