Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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