..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
