I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
