Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
