And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
