Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize