He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
