Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
