sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
