I wanna bring you to show and tell
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
