i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
