Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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