how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
