brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
