I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
