Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
