Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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