Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
