My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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