you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
