I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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