as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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