I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
