i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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