Where is the hickey?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
